sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
