Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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