I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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