just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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