I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
