He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
