my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
