the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
