..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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