While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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