redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
