I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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