Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
