I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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