so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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