i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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