My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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