that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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