Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
