i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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