Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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