so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
