ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need to calm my uterus...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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