she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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