The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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