she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
