I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
