she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Houston, we have a squirter
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
