They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
