Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
