Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
