Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
