Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
