I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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