Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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