Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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