so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You took a bar mat shot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
