you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
