break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
