His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
