remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
