If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
