woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
