I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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