Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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