No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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