Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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