the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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