yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
