and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just high enough for therapy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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