honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
