and you said cock pushups were impossible
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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