I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
