The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
