..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
