Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
