I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
