im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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